I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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