look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
