My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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