i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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