So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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