I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
