This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
