He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
