either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
