well I can't set my house on fire every night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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