I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
