Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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