If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
