Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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