Your mouth is God's brothel.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
