hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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