Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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