we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
