I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
