we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
