So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
