Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
