I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
