Will you blow on my dice?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
