complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
