Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
