Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
