I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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