They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
