You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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