Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
