We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
