im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
