I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
