Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
