She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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