Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
