I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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