Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
