my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
