just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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