why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
