Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
