I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
