dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
