just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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