so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize