I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
