tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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