do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
