ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize