you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
