dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
