you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
