My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
