Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
