There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
