afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
