now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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