Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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