I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
