phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
