dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
only you would photoshop your dick
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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