if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
