I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
