If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
