Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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