Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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