i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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